It made me cry too, Val.

Wow!! Made me cry!! I have been there with my son and grandson who both have Aspergers. My grandson is 15 now. I have had him since he was 2 years old. People look at you like “Why don’t you discipline your child”!! They make rude comments, etc. It is tough on the family and double tough on the person with Aspergers to live in this cruel world of ours!!! God bless you.

I can understand how you felt asI have a son with Autism, I have wondered what his future may hold but to hear from an Adult with autism, it makes me know that my son has a future as well. Thanks for your story.

I don’t have autism, but my youngest son is diagnosed with autism and cognitive disability. No one else in my immediate family has autism, although we do have family members who have struggled with depression and borderline OCD.
I have three other children without autism or Asperger’s.

My son with autism is 13, but is very low functioning. He will never be in the kind of work you do, but we hope he will lead a happy and meaningful life nonetheless. We are all working very hard to make this a reality.

In the meantime, we do have a very hard time with people giving us strange looks—they can’t understand why a 13-year-old boy would be acting like a 3-year-old. But the truth is, that’s where he is developmentally. We also feel we are blamed for having “bad genes” that created his problems—made doubly insidious because he is biracial (I am black, and my husband is white). Someone even asked me, “Do you think his problems are because he’s half-black?”

How perfectly you have captured a moment in the life of any parent of a child on the spectrum. Thank you for really understanding and acknowledging. You have put into words what I find impossible to explain at the end of each day.

I cried too. How aften I have felt the isolating stares of strangers as my 5 yr old son chews on his chew toy verbally stemming. The stares of children are sometimes the hardest. I wish I knew had to just focus on my son and shut out the outside world and the hurt strangers can cause without words.

This story made me, like many others, cry. My son is almost 5 yrs old and I go back and forth believing that he is high functioning enough to be able to live a fulfilling life and thinking this is never going to end.

yes, it is hard to bear the isolation and the hurting and bruising looks of strangers.
but mothers, why do you not look upon these moments as opportunities to bring about public awareness of what autism is?! why do you not tell people that your child is behaving in such a way becoz he/she is afflicted with a problem called autism that impairs a child’s social and communication abilities during the developmental years? i am sure your short explanation will be received with surprise, understanding and even empathy occasionally. and it may even trigger somebody’s curiosity to know more about this autism and it may even lead them to become a special educator one day. yes, believe me, thats how i became a special educator and now a counsellor who guides parents with developmental disabilities :))
the crowd and their looks always seem very unfriendly and hostile to a mother who has a kid whose problem others have never ever faced. but the awareness can touch a cord somewhere in somebody’s heart that can prod them to alleviate sufferings of so many such people later on in life, like how i am doing today. and the satisfaction that i derive from doing so is nothing short of that eternal bliss :))

Iatha, public awareness brought me great peace when I first thought to print up a business card with web addresses on one side to educate and an explination on the other to explain what i felt needed to be justified. Daniel is now 7, 5 1/2 years later he is still non-verbal and low functioning, of course I would still like to enlighten the world around us, however, I am tired. Tired of defending what I spend every moment researching, pondering, reconsidering, fighting for and defending some more; with people who work with or care directly for my child. I am glad that you are spreading your eternal bliss. Perhaps after putting in some overtime for the next five years you will not have grown weary of trying to sovle the mistery, raise other children, stay married, attend IEP meetings and….....Well, keep up the good work counselor:-)

Let me applaud you for having the courage to speak, when many wouldn’t have. Those words will mean so much to that mother, now and a long time from now. I know because someone said them to me once, and to this day I remember the very moment it was said, and the wieght it lifted from my heart. A complete stranger knew I was being the best mom I knew how to be, even If i didn’t know it at the time…I have a quote i found, unfortunately I can’t find who the author is…. “Courage does not always come with a roar. Sometimes its the quiet voice that comes at the end of the day that says “I’ll try again tomorrow”.

How beautiful. My son with autism is 19. We had many a public meltdown when he was younger. His autism changed our entire lives and of course is still impacting us all: myself, my husband and his 21 year old sister and, of course, him. I am not sorry for the growth, introspection and changed worldview having a very different child “forced” upon me. The re-examination of identify, values and priorities serves me to this day. I am sorry for the pain our increasing isolation as a family cost our daughter. She never knew how much I hurt, never saw me cry. It’s only in the last few years I’ve shared this pain with her. I did have a gentleman in the parking lot of a mall share a similar sentiment. I saw him watching us. My son was much older at the time, say 16 or 17. His less than articulate use of language and loud whining was more like a 5 year old. Quite a contrast with me at 5 feet 2 and him at 6. By now I was quite practiced at ignoring other people and focusing on only as much as I needed to safely and efficiently accomplish whatever task was at hand. He invoked God’s Blessings upon my patience and skilll as a mother. I was not offended. I thanked him and somehow it helped me forgive all the other people who stared, or said dumb or rude things. Yes. A little compassion goes a long way.

Bravo to you!
It is an amazing moment when someone steps out of the “crowd” to recognize a struggling mother’s efforts.
I also experienced a moment in which my daughter’s pediatrician recognized a job well done. The sad part was that he felt like he had to explain himself first before he complimented me, how sad our world has come to that.
He said to me, “This may sound a bit strange but I have encountered a lot of mothers in my profession and I think that you are the BEST mother I have ever met. What makes you special is that you have never seem to view your daughter’s autism as a disability and that is unique”.
Of course I thanked him, a bit stunned by his words. I think I even hugged him goodbye. This amazing doctor has been in our lives for seven years and I credit him with pushing to have our daughter assessed initially when she began to fall behind in her developmental stages. Our daughter was well into therapy by the time she was thirteen months.

I realize that I still have a long journey ahead with my daughter but I remember those words almost daily. I hope someday to be able to communicate to this doctor just how important his comments were to me. He stepped out of the crowd and recognized this mother’s efforts. I guess healing comes in many forms.
I loved your quote Jane. I have taped it on my refrigerator door, next to our “PECS” board.

I am a new teacher of exceptional students. Each of my students have different abilities and different needs, and each one has a special place in my heart. For a parent or a child to have to endure critical attitudes is so unfair. I pity those who won’t look beyond circumstances and see the individual. My exceptional students teach me so much and give back more than I will ever be able to give to them. I am amazed at How hard they work, how they fight against staggering odds to acheive, how much they appreciate simply being appreciated. As a teacher and a parent, my heros are these students and their families who make the most of life when so many who literally “have everything” waste it.

I can identify with both Val and the mother and child in the story. I have been raising my grandnephew since he was 6 as a single parent and have experienced the looks and stares and much unwanted and unasked for advice and the feelings of isolation often waits around the corner to confront me. On the other hand, on this journey I have learned a lot about myself, and that the key to staying sane is to reach out to others like Val did to this mother and child. Like her I often struggle with whether to say something or not. Recent events in my life have helped me see that all of us need to know that someone is willing to walk with us a ways and bear our burdens with us. I have come to appreciate all parents, not just those of us with autistic children, and often wonder how my parents stayed sane raising eight of us!

Thank You! I hope more people become aware of autism and aspergers. As a mother of a 5 year old boy who is autistic I understand.
These children are more brilliant than the rest. They will make us stronger.

Many years ago, a parent of a child with Autism showed me a small business card that said something like “My child has Autism” on one side and some quick facts on the back. I believe it came from ASA or some other large group. It really was a wonderful tool for education and a way for parents who are scrutinized by others to respond without having to say a word.
Anyone know where to get these? Are they still around?

For years I knew something was up with two of my daughters. My almost thriteen year old hasn’t been officially diagnosed with asperger’s but my youngest has. I related so much with the article written. My 13 year old was always described as lazy and a discipline problem by teachers. Which is far from the truth. She has learned to adapt somewhat. But she is not social and she has auditory processing problems. Until this year, it was always, what is wrong with your family. Now it is, wow, my girl is autistic. I know there is hope. She is a brilliant artist, and someone I can always rely on to help me without attitude. My other child with autism also a girl, is only 8. She has much adapting to do. I love her and her sister just the way they are. It is like they are untainted by this world. My second daughter is much more prone to acting out. She can’t deal with change. People give me more stares with her. She interprets her world in movie lines. If she loses something important to her she freaks out on the impact of the knowledge. It is an interesting journey we are on. Not hopeless, just a lost of learning to do. I am glad to find a place where other parents experience something similar.

Kudos to that mom, for her passionate, calm defense of her son & his behavior!! God bless you, Valerie! Words like yours have been a “cool cup of water” to me many times when I was struggling with one of my children. I have an 8-y-o boy who is very high functioning, poss AS; a 6-y-o boy w/”mild” ASD, emerging verbal skills; and a NT 3-y-o son. In addition, I’m starting to suspect that I, too, am on the spectrum. Valerie, you are amazing to me, and I bless you for your openness in sharing your strength with people, in your work, in this forum, and “in the trenches” of real life.

Val, what a moving story. If only more people were able to be more aware and kind, this woman’s journey would be a little less lonely. I’m so glad you let her know you saw and admired what she was doing, I’m sure the encouragement made a difference to her.

Val, Thank you so very much for sharing your experience, and for letting the mother know she was doing the right thing. If only more people understood, and would have the courage to speak up. I am sure your kind words gave the mother that little extra boost she needed to get through the rest of the trip.

Sincerely, Becky
Mother to James 16 yr olds Austim, epliepsy, CP , MR, ADHD, ETH (Explosive teenage hormon….our DX for the teen years)

I have a 9 year old with High Functioning borderline Aspergers. I am in the middle of Due Process, I live in a very small town and can not find a advocate to help me. The school is now allowing my son to go to school for 2 hours a day. He was being suspended every day for behavior. The behavior is due to their lack of training in Autism and that they do not want to deal with him. He is the first child they have had that is on the Autism Spectrum. Everything I ask for is just pushed to the side. I am learning everything I can through the internet. I am asking anyone that can help with things I could ask for and make the school respond in writing as to why they are not providing things I ask for I would greatly appreciate it. I was wondering how do I ask for more OT time as the last IEP they took away his 15 min a week and he has sensory issues. And how do I ask for Tech Ass. as I believe the constant writing at school is adding to his frustration? Thank you for just listening as it is very lonely with no one that understands in the town I live in. Thank you for noticing you have no idea what you did for the mother.

I have a 5yr old son with autism. While we have our good days and bad days, there is not a day that goes by that he doesn’t make me smile. Our family is lucky to have such a beautiful little boy whose innocence and funny little ways endear him to us. I thank God that he chose to walk across our path as he has invoked a feeling of compassion for others within the rest of my children. We take each day as it comes and do not look upon him as having a disabilty but rather as a child who is different to his peers…this difference is beautiful. Its just a pity that others can’t see it.